incomprehensibility:a few episodes from Toshiro's life
by Winter Face
Summary: A few episodes from Toshiro's life and thoughts about a black haired girl


Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach

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><p>Toshiro's POV:<p>

I always hated the beginning because the beginning brings the end. And the end could be, not so enviable, just like my example. Generally I don't like talking to people, they could misunderstood your words, so I prefer staying quiet to avoid awkward situation... I'm trying to talk to people or to keep in touch with them as little as possible... it's not because I hate them, it's just I feel uncomfortable around them.

Don't have a bed impression of me okay? It's just they're on their own and I am on mine, but even in this 'disorder' I found few people with whom I can have a 'normal chat'...

Such as Hinamori Momo, we've known each other since childhood, more concretely we grow up together with an old women we used to call grandmother...

Second person is Matsumoto Rangiku. I met her when I won a competition, I was her assistant but after our leader willingly left his post in a company he made me co-leader along with Matsumoto. But I've met her before that, in a market when I was younger; the seller treated me indifferently which I have to admit hurt me somehow, even thought I was used to being 'different' or 'scary'.

Usually it's easier for me to communicate with females, perhaps the main reason is that I grew up with them... first Momo and a grandmother then Matsumoto, after her I met Karin with whom I often used to play football, and later...

Nothing important happened... I was just walking down a street with Karin's brother Ichigo, and accidentally saw a black-haired girl walking on the opposite side of a street. Maybe she was a couple of years older than me...

Ichogo crossed the road and walked to her, hugging her tightly. She was so thin it felt like she was going to break... Kurosaki introduced me to her...

And since then my thoughts kept returning to her... for some reason her face stuck in my mind... I don't know how to say it... she was... unique? Is it a right word to describe her?

I really don't know how to say that, remember that I don't like talking...

I have to start from something, let's start with the day when I saw her.

As I said before she has a black hair, her hair is short, barely reaching her shoulders, and her eyes have a unique shade of violet... She is quite short probably just a few inch taller than me. The girl was thin, so thin that her friends were often joking about her appearance, I even recall Kurosaki joking about her fitting in seven years old child's clothes when they went to choose a dress for her sister.

I personally think, that it would be difficult to imagine her in a different way. To make it clear for you I'll compare her with Inoe Orihime (one of her friends), for her age she's a suitable height but her breast are unnaturally big... She's cheerful or at last pretends to be...

Rukia on the other hand is 'distinguished' with her flat chest. She's more tomboy like, I'm sure she's spending more time with boys than girls...

But she wasn't different from her age people just because of her appearance and actions…

She was... more experienced (in a good way)... Every time I saw her she walked with a frown on her face just like in deep thoughts... For some reason I always saw the sadness in her eyes. She wasn't light-minded I even dare to say such kind of things disgusted her (keep in mind that I don't know her personally). As far as I could see she was quite melancholic person, and wasn't saying much even with her friends, but knew exactly what to say and when...

Don't misunderstood me... I don't want you to think of me as a gossiper... I just wanted to talk about her for a while even if I know it looks like talking behind her back...

It's strange... I can't stop thinking about her, but that's so stupid we haven't even spoke... No, I'm sorry I lied we have spoken just once, we didn't have a chance for another time... I think so...

Our first talk was a bit awkward (if you call a few exchange sentence a conversation)...

After that incident she hasn't shown up in a school. To tell the truth I wasn't worried about her...

A week after our 'talk' I saw her sitting on a bench in front of a river her eyes were red, and a few scratches on her arms. Her bottom lip trembled it was swollen, she then bit it and shed tears but quickly wiped them. I didn't dare to approach her... that moment she didn't need neither my comfort nor my sympathy, she needed privacy... and my presence would make her uncomfortable...

I told you in the beginning: I don't like talking

I don't exactly know why I am doing it... I wish I did

You know I feel like I'm developing our 'conversation' in a wrong way...

First in my life I feel confused... I can't think (and I meant what I said)... And no I'm not in love with her...

This girl, this Rukia she was the only person who could understand me without words so I cherished it in my way...

I'm pretty sure you're already judging me because I was 'spying' on her and I know it's not a good thing but... I had to know

I wanted to know that someday I will definitely met somebody who won't look at me differently because of my appearance or that I didn't really care about most of the things...

Maybe she was just like me... (Just maybe, I'm not sure about this).

After a few month I met her outside, or to tell more correctly I noticed a girl sitting on a bench so approached her (I was sure the girl was Rukia) but she didn't notice me until I stood right beside her.

It was the last month of Autumn so it was quite cold. I was surprised when I saw her like that, I thought I was the only one who wasn't afraid of catching a cold and enjoyed walking in a rainy day without an umbrella... (Because every time it rained people around me walked faster and cursing the weather on their way... thought it can be my imagination...)

It's an important day for me, because it was the first time I saw a smile on her, it wasn't a smirk, it was a genuine smile the one you show when you're happy... she smiled at me only once, but that was enough. Than Rukia patted a spot on a bench beside her indicating me to sit there.

We didn't talk, the words were unnecessary. It was a peaceful moment, we were just sitting on the bench and looking at the river

Actually it was the first time in many years when I enjoyed a bit painful sensation so much... I remember closing my eyes to feel raindrops' pricking like needles on my skin, it was colder than usual.

I closed my eyes, imagined waking up in my house, in front of a fireplace in a rocking chair, wrapped in a blanket. Just like during Christmas holidays. Then I would look at the snowfall through window, slowly a smile would make its way on my face, little Haineko (Matsumoto's cat) would set on my lap and started purring, she would use everything in her power to make me pat her, and of course she would succeed. After a while she would fall asleep on my lap wrapped in comfortable warmth. I would continue to stroke her and she would continue her purring even in her sleep. Than I would reach to nearby book and start reading.

I opened my eyes and looked at the gray sky again, then I looked at Rukia she had her eyes closed and looked somewhat relaxed...

In a different situation we could me mistaken as a couple, so I was happy no one thought 'otherwise' of us. I really enjoyed our strange 'relationship'...

I don't exactly remember for how long we set there but I'm sure when I left, she stayed... I even felt her gaze burning holes in my back...

Rukia didn't show up in the school the next day, I thought she was ill but when I asked Ichigo he just laughed at me, it was quiet irritating... later that day he apologized for his behavior and set next to me, he said she would be away for a while and come back by Spring.

As Kurosaki said she came back into my life in Spring. I noticed her walking down the street holding a box in her hand, I followed her and saw an old man sitting on the ground. Rukia gave the box to him and with an apologetic smile turned around to walk away...

I was ashamed for believing she was a heartless person who was thinking just about her well-being. And thinking the stupid nickname 'Ice Queen' meant something... I never imagined she would be so kind...

I know it's my fault, judging someone without knowing...

You know... the only thing I hate about her is that fake smile... she kept cheating to everybody with that smile.

It's so easy to be blind by it... I have to admit she's amazing actress... I almost believed her too...

The last time I met her was right before the Summer holidays... she was different, and I didn't like that...

She looked happy, but her eyes were empty...

She was surrounded by her friends or more concretely with small group of girls... suddenly she turned her head and that was when she finally noticed me. Her expression changed from 'cheerful' to sadden then she bent her head and laughed (although it supposed to be a happy smile I felt bitterness) than turned around and left without looking back...

It almost felt like farewell...

I watched her leaving, again, but for some odd reason I wasn't upset...

I looked at the sky feeling unusually happy... even the sunset was hundred times prettier, painting sky with warm colors... I was surrounded in warmth, drowning in its beaut...

As I said before it was the last time I saw her. I tried talking to Ichigo and others about her but they kept quiet...

I really wanted to know what happened to her, not because of curiosity I was concern about her well-being, really... I'm not lying she was the only person beside Momo and Matsumoto who could understand me... but the fact that we weren't friends made her special... I didn't lied when I said I cherished our strange relationship...

So you can understand why I didn't like her 'disappearance' if it was some other person I wouldn't be concerned but it was Rukia...

Tomorrow is Summer's last day... the hope of meeting her again is disappearing day by day...

I'm sorry the train has arrived, it's time to go I should stop writing... I'm sorry you had to waste your time on me... I told unnecessary things... but I wanted you to know...

I just hope you can understand...

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><p>AN: I hope you enjoyed reading and I'm sorry for mistakes...<p> 


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